Positive Reinforcement

A couple of weeks ago, my grandchildren and I visited the Wildlife Zoo in Phoenix, Arizona.  We attended a sea lion show , but there was no performance. The sea lions were fairly new to the zoo and were still in training.  One of the zoo keepers explained the training process, while another demonstrated with a sea lion.  It was actually a lesson in positive reinforcement.  If the trainer wanted the sea lion to touch a pole, she would wait until it came close to the pole, then feed it a little fish.  Next time, the animal would get the fish as it reached up for the pole.  This would continue, with the pole being raised and the animal reaching higher until it learned to jump and touch the pole with its nose.  Interestingly, we saw another animal show in which a porcupine, a muskrat, and a parrot also learned to do tricks by repeating behaviors that brought them treats. 

Positive reinforcement is a method of teaching behaviors and skills by rewarding the student for closer and closer approximations to the desired goal.  It is standard practice in early childhood classrooms.  A reward is as simple as a smile, a hand on a shoulder, a hug, a few encouraging words, even saying the child's name in a delighted tone of voice.  So let's say we want a child to clean up his toys.  As he begins to pick up a toy, we immediately acknowledge his effort, "You're starting to clean up the blocks, good work!".  This simple praise generally serves to reinforce the behavior.  The child will continue the behavior and look forward to more praise.

To be most effective, positive reinforcement should be immediate. We must be watchful for any attempts made toward the target behavior, and immediately give feedback. The objective is to catch the child doing the right thing.  A common example in early childhood education is getting the children to settle down for circle time. All the teacher has to say is "I like the way Gabriel is sitting", and the other children will flock to sit nicely and hear their names too.  Amazingly, the effects of positive reinforcement are physically visible, not only in the behavior, but in the child's body language.  She appears to grow before our eyes, standng taller, filling up with a good sense of self.

 Positive reinforcement is used to praise effort.  It specifically addresses the approximation of a desired behavior.  This can be particularly helpful for children who are timid or find something distasteful.  Think of a picky eater.  If he takes a small bite of a new food we can say, "I know it's hard for you to taste new things, but you did it anyway.  I'm proud of you.".  Of course, this would be most powerful if he actually likes the new food, but again, we are praising the effort so that he will be more willing to try again next time.  Positive reinforcement is also important in teaching skills; "You're working hard to practice writing "S".  It's getting better and better."  In this last example, it might help to give a suggestion, such as "Try to reach the hat line next time." 

Positive reinforcement is a great motivator for older children and adults too  Everyone wants a pat on the back for the work that we do, but few of us actually get one.  Feeling noticed and appreciated keeps us motivated to stay the course and to work even harder. Positive feedback also clarifies expectations.  As an early childhood director, I looked for opportunities to compliment my staff, whether on a creative bulletin board, new lesson ideas, or the way they spoke with a student.  I understood that this type of feedback would reveal what I valued as quality work, and would motivate the teachers to keep it up.  (Truly, they made my job easy.  I worked with some amazing teachers.)   As an educator,  my greatest rewards were often the notes of thanks from parents.  These notes are treasured by teachers, who give so much of themselves to their students everyday, and are rarely recognized for their commitment.  An appreciated teacher is happier to do her job, and a happy teacher brings about optimal learning for her students. 

In my post "Hello Sunshine" I talked about the uplifting effects that positive people have on us.  In offering positive reinforcement, we can build on our children's strengths.  We can create a pleasant environment for work and play.  We can celebrate together all the little steps that lead to big learning and growth.

The Age of Entitlement

 My last post, Hello Sunshine, touched upon the effects of a cheerful greeting.  One reader shared her observation that today's kids are not being taught to greet people as they enter a room.  It got me thinking about the importance of teaching our children this common courtesy.  Children have as much to gain as adults in greeting others pleasantly.  And it struck me that our failure to teach this basic social skill might be a side effect of what teachers today refer to as "entitlement".  Entitlement is a buzzword in schools everywhere.  It refers to the attitude of many parents and children that they have the right to get whatever they want simply because they want it. To me it brings to mind a titled monarch; someone to whom others owe allegiance.  So many parents seem driven to shield their children from any unpleasantness in life while simultaneously pushing them ahead as far as they can. Teachers are no longer considered authority figures.  If a child doesn't do his homework for example, it's not uncommon for his parent to make excuses and argue that he not be penalized.  Some of us remember being in trouble at home if the teacher called to discuss our behavior.  Today, parents are more likely to place the blame for a child's misbehavior elsewhere:  on the teacher, the school, or the other students. A colleague of mine once dealt with a difficult parent over the phone.  His fifth grade son had been acting aggressively on the school bus, and actually bit another child. The father ranted about the other kids, the bus driver, the school's responsibility, until my friend said to him, "At some point, you're going to have to stop defending him and let him take responsibility for his actions.".  I could have kissed her.

 Entitlement is selfishness.  It dismisses the needs, feelings, and rights of other people.  I'm not sure that we can pinpoint a specific origin for this phenomenon, and I don't believe that it began solely with parents.  It may have begun years ago, when psychologists and others became concerned with the development of children's self-esteem.  This led to over-praising children, accepting mediocre work as a "good job" or effortless scribbles as "beautiful".  Many parents, for various reasons, are reluctant to say "no" to their children, so kids are accustomed to getting what they want.  (Take a look at my post "All You Need Is Love" for more on this).   Or it may be that a sense of entitlement stems from our stressed out, achievement oriented society, where getting ahead is a top priority. The  very term "getting ahead" implies competition; ahead of someone else.  We push our children to get into the best schools, to get top grades, to pad their college resumes with extracurricular activities.  And schools contribute to this feeling of competition as teachers and students struggle to meet the demands of more standardized tests and rigorous academics pushed down to younger and younger grades.  In addition, parents today may be more protective of their children because the world is a scarier place than it used to be.  Leaving children to play outdoors unsupervised is not an option for most families, so we keep them under our constant guard.  Children believe that they are special and that mom and dad will take care of all their needs.  But the job of parenting is to raise our children to be independent.  We need to guide them to make smart decisions and then to be accountable for their decisions.  It's important to learn to follow rules and protocols in order to be a responsible citizen.  We can't fix all of our children's problems, and we actually cause more harm than good by trying to do so.

No one wants a spoiled, coddled child.  How can we reasonably protect our children  without sheltering them in a gilded bubble?   How can we advocate for their best interests while teaching them to take care of themselves?   There is a terrific parenting book that addresses this problem.   It's called The Blessing of a Skinned Knee, by Wendy Mogel, PhD, and was a cult favorite several years ago. It is a wonderful resource for raising resilient, self-reliant children.  The author basically promotes the idea that falling down, scraping a knee, making mistakes, even getting hurt, are all healthy steps on the road to growing up.  We want our children to learn to grow from their mistakes, not to avoid them.

A focused greeting can offset a sense of entitlement by forcing a child to acknowledge the presence of other people.  It can take her out of her own head for a minute and  demonstrate respect.  When I was a little girl, my parents would coach my siblings and me before every visit to friends and family.  We had to kiss every adult in the room hello, and then again when it was time to say good-bye.  We were not allowed to call any adult by their first name.  We were taught to look behind us as we went through a door, so that we could hold it open for anyone who might be following.  We learned to wait on lines and to only talk to people when they were in the same room as us.  We were expected to clean up our own mess, wherever we were.

These lessons work equally well today.  When we held kindergarten orientation programs in my former school, I included a bus orientation.  I taught the children to line up to enter the bus and to say "hello" to the bus driver.  I reviewed all the procedures that would keep them safe, then taught them to say  "thank you" to the bus driver as they exited. People who serve us, such as bus drivers, waiters, gas station attendants, etc., should not be made to feel invisible.  They are doing us a favor (yes, even though they're getting paid to do so).   Acknowledging them and the nice things they do for us shows respect and gratitude. 

 There are a couple of things on the educational horizon that I believe will cause the downfall of the Age of Entitlement.  One is the new approach to teaching called 'growth mindset'.  In a fixed mindset, a person's abilities, intelligence, and talents are considered fixed traits that cannot be changed.  Growth mindset proposes that everyone can develop their intellect, talents and abilities through effort and persistence.  In terms of entitlement, a child with a fixed mindset is more concerned with grades than learning.  If she does poorly on an assignment, she might fight the teacher for a better grade.  On the other hand, a child with a growth mindset will be curious about her mistakes, embrace the chance to try again, and continue learning.  Teaching a growth mindset holds exciting prospects for the field of education and the potential for authentic, life-long learning.

Another trend in education today is the emphasis on projects and collaborative group work.  In the high school where I taught Spanish, many teachers assigned projects to their classes in lieu of unit tests.  For example, in one of my Spanish classes, we learned vocabulary related to homes.  I assigned a project on Antoni Gaudi, a famous Spanish architect.  The students worked in small groups to research his biography and one of his buildings.  They used this information to compose a multi-media presentation, in which one student played the role of a real estate agent, and two others were a couple looking for a residence with specific amenities.  In order to complete this project, students needed to employ a range of skills, including research, organization, writing, video and computer skills, oral language, and role play.  Projects like this require sophisticated social skills, as each student works with her team to include, modify, and build upon everyone's ideas.  Students were graded according to a rubric that addressed  individual contributions and evidence of learning as well as the quality of the end result.  This sort of assignment is a more accurate assessment of a student's learning, and better reflects the skill sets needed in today's work environments . 

Entitlement is not a pretty word.  No one is perfect.  Life is not perfect.  Let's not set our children up for unrealistic expectations.  We can teach them to try again, work harder,  take pride in their efforts and welcome challenges. We can help them to acknowledge the people they meet throughout the day and to appreciate the role that each one plays in our lives.  They can view their peers as collaborators instead of competitors, and come to know the  profound  joy of true learning.

Hello Sunshine

Before taking my first job as Early Childhood Center Director, I underwent several interviews.  One school leader, whom I deeply respected, asked a question that threw me for a loop.  He said, "How do you say good morning to children?".  Huh?  How many ways are there to say "good morning"?  What did he really want to know?  

To prepare for this new position, I spent a day observing the center in action.  I was present when the children began arriving, and suddenly understood the meaning of that nebulous question.  Two boys walked through the door chatting, laughing, and gently pushing each other.  A teacher reprimanded them to stop that behavior and take their places on the floor, where they waited for their teachers to bring them to their classrooms. Ouch.  No one said "good morning" to those boys.  Their introduction to the new school day was a negative encounter with an impatient teacher.  They had to wait as a group, with nothing to do, before they could even enter their classrooms.  My heart sank.  

The way we greet children matters a lot and sets the tone for the rest of the day.  Every child deserves a warm, individual greeting at the classroom door.  Eye contact, a big smile and a brief, personal comment make our students feel welcome and special.  "Hi, Marcy, that's such a pretty bow in your hair.  Is it new?".  Marcy will feel noticed and appreciated.  Being the teacher's center of attention for a minute builds her confidence and energizes her to tackle the day's activities.  The teacher has established a personal connection that will motivate that student to participate and follow class rules.  That's a lot of value for a couple of minutes worth of pleasantries.

The same is true at home.  Whether welcoming our children at our door or at car pool, a smile and a hug show them how much they mean to us. That moment of focused attention is powerful, non-verbal language that says, "I love you, I missed you, you're important to me." .  Do your eyes light up when your child returns to you?  That's emotional gold to little egos.

Treating other people with respect and dignity is a basic human obligation.  Greeting each person we meet with a friendly smile is an expression of this obligation.  There is a famous verse in Ethics of Our Fathers, a Jewish text on ethical behavior and interpersonal relationships, that teaches: "Receive every person with a cheerful face".  A smile is an uplifting action that can profoundly impact another person.  I remember my surprise when I read something that a boy I hardly new wrote in my high school year book, "The smiles you gave me when you walked past me in the hall I won't forget".  I had no idea that I had made such an impression on him.  I learned that a smile is a gift.  It is an expression of love from one human being to another.  It says, "I see you. I recognize you.  We're connected by our humanity.".

Another benefit of greeting people warmly is that it helps us to accomplish our goals.  We all enjoy the company of positive, upbeat people, and are more willing to hear them out, more comfortable to work with them. Positive feelings give us energy, motivation, and confidence.  Smiles are contagious.  Even on the phone, people can relate to the tone of our voice.  When I recorded a voice greeting for my phone at the early childhood center, I always smiled  while I spoke.  I believed that smile could be heard.  It communicated non-verbally that my school was a warm, positive, welcoming place.

Quick smiles don't come naturally to all of us, but they are easy to learn.  If we consciously put a smile on our face each time we make eye contact, even with a stranger, it will eventually become a habit. Motor memory.  And a default smile will in turn help us and those around us feel more positively.  Spread some sunshine in our world.  Smile!

Prejudice: Teach Your Children

Yesterday I spent the day in Los Angeles with my teenage granddaughter. Her brother is studying in yeshiva there, and between classes we took him out for lunch and dinner.  In the afternoon, we spent a few hours at the Museum of Tolerance, established by the Simon Wiesenthal Center.  It is an experiential museum, guiding visitors step by step through various scenarios leading up to and including the horrors of the Holocaust.  At one point, we were faced with two doors:  a red one labeled Prejudiced and a green one labeled Unprejudiced.  I asked my granddaughter which we should choose, and she said "Unprejudiced, of course".  But the door was locked.  Only the door labeled Prejudiced was open.  Hmmm....

Is prejudice inevitable?  It's certainly very hard to trace.  No one thinks they are racist or bigoted (except some very misguided souls), but somehow those feelings creep in without us noticing.  Even really kind, open-minded people harbor hidden traces of prejudice.  My daughter was once playing in our backyard with a little boy from across the street.  They were both about six years old at the time.  His family was Catholic and very fine people.  The boy said to my daughter, "You're Jewish, and the Jews are going to hell because they killed Jesus.  So you're going to hell."  I was shocked.  I knew he didn't hear that at home.  And I myself had gone to Catechism classes, and knew he hadn't learn it there.  What was up?  My daughter had no clue of what he was talking about, but in a matter-of-fact way I  told him that it was time for him to go home.  A few minutes later his mother came to my house in tears, unable to understand where he learned that.  "He's mixed up" she said.  

Fast forward a few years and I was the deeply embarrassed mom. To this day, I have difficulty even admitting that it happened.  My kindergarten daughter drew a picture in school.  When asked to describe it, she told the teacher (who wrote it on the paper), "It's a black man climbing in the window to steal a TV".  I was devastated.  I thought I was so careful to teach kindness and tolerance to my children.  My daughter couldn't explain to me why she had said that.  I went to school in tears, mortified to show my face.  But I wanted to hear from the program director, to learn where I had gone wrong.   She tried to reassure me that children pick up all sorts of things from television programs, adult conversations, etc.  She hadn't assumed that my family was racist.

If prejudice can enter our psyches subconsciously, how in the world can we prevent it?  I'm not convinced that we can.  What we can do is be hyper-vigilant, both with ourselves and our children, for any signs of potential prejudice.  Tolerance of other people requires active teaching.  We all feel most comfortable with people who are like us; differences make us uncomfortable, not "at home".  The role of teachers and parents is to constantly be on the look-out for opportunities to educate children about differences between people, whether racial, religious, ethnic, physical, mental, etc., always emphasizing that our similarities are greater.  Every life is sacred.  No one is better or worse than anyone else.  We are all connected.

One of the things that left a big impression on me at the Holocaust exhibit was the unconscionable  murders of children.  A few days before visiting the museum, I was at a park with my grandchildren.  They found a bug that made them scream.  They wanted to kill it, but I wouldn't allow them to.  I picked it up in my hand, showing them its legs, antennae, eyes.  They still thought it was ugly, but I made them understand that G-d created this creature just like He created us.  It has a purpose in the world.  We are not allowed to harm it.  As I looked at the pictures of beautiful, innocent Jewish children, I wondered -- if children learn to cause no harm to a bug, can they grow up to brutalize and kill a defenseless child?  

Children are open and curious.  They may say embarrassing things in public.  But we should welcome their comments as teaching moments.  We can teach them not to stare, we can model respectful language about things that make people different, and things that make us the same.  We can help them see that there is space for everyone in this world.  We all belong.  We all have the right to dignity and respect.

In Praise of Broken Crayons

I recently spent a couple of hours with two of my granddaughters in the children's section of a public library in downtown Scottsdale, Arizona. It is magnificent!  It occupies a huge, modern space, with high ceilings and well-organized areas.  There are tons of books and cozy seating throughout the entire department, as well as lots of open-ended toys and interactive computer games.  There are floor to ceiling" trees", and a large play area housed within the facade of a castle. While three year old Shifra played an interactive computer game, six year old Tehilla and I sat at a nearby coloring table.   We emptied the cup of crayons onto the table, and to my surprise, they were all broken.  In such a well thought out environment, I felt sure that this was intentional.  Brilliant! 

In my last years as early childhood director, the teachers and I noticed a growing trend among our young students.  More and more children were entering preschool with weak fine motor skills.  We suspected that this was caused by the growing popularity of electronic toys and devices, where a simple tap or swipe are all that's needed to play.  Children are spending less time coloring, lacing beads, manipulating small cars, animals, people, puzzles and peg boards.  Children with weak fine motor skills struggle to hold a pencil properly, have poor handwriting, and take longer to learn self-help skills.  Fine motor muscles help us in  day to day living; opening bottles and containers, buttoning, snapping, lacing, sewing, drawing, picking up small items,etc.  And some professions, such as dentistry, surgery, carpentry, require precise control of the muscles in our fingers and hands.

The teachers and I decided to battle this phenomena with intentional activities and materials that would strengthen our students' fine motor muscles.  We learned a lot along the way, such as the power of broken crayons!  A broken crayon forces the user to grip it low and tight. And in order to get bright color from a crayon, it needs to be pressed hard.  Markers are terrible for young fingers because they can be held any which way and still produce brilliant color.  There are so many fun ways to help children strengthen their fine motor muscles.  One teacher hid pennies in play dough, so the children had to pull it apart and dig with their fingers.  Boards with locks to open and close or screws to twist with a screwdriver are fun and feel grown-up, as are various sized juice or milk cartons with caps to twist on and off.  Children can use eye droppers to mix colored water, tongs to pick up cotton balls or other small objects, and clothes pins to clip along the rim of a can.  Spray bottles and empty dish detergent bottles make great bath toys.  Children enjoy dropping coins in a piggy bank or chips into slots, like Connect Four.  A vertical writing space helps strengthen hand muscles too, either at an easel or by simply taping large paper to a wall. 

Every area of our children's development is important and interconnected.  While electronic games and toys can play a part in children's lives, we can't allow them to replace active play.  Our children learn much more about the world by using their bodies.  When most of their time is spent exercising their muscles, large and small, they grow to be strong, healthy, and capable.   

You Are What You Eat

Young children grow at a remarkably rapid pace. The foods they eat directly determine the quality of their mood, energy, growth, mental development and physical health. The right foods keep a child on the move, playing and learning, while simultaneously building healthy tissue, bone, muscle, etc. A well nourished child can think clearly, manage stress, and heal quickly.  The opposite is true of a child who eats too much junk.  She will be irritable and cranky and struggle to maintain focus and complete tasks.  She will be more prone to illness.  The quantity of food does not compensate for its quality.  A breakfast of sugar cereal, cookies and chocolate milk is almost as bad as no breakfast at all.  Without any real nutrients to feed her body, she will still be hungry.  We literally are what we eat.

Feeding our children is an act of love.  It is one of our primary responsibilities as parents.  Yet children vary in their appetites and tastes.  Some babies are "good eaters" and open wide for all types of food.  Others are picky and rarely seem hungry.  The former are a pleasure to feed.  My grandson Ephraim used to open his mouth wide, like a baby bird.  He'd finish a bowl of food, I'd give him more.  He'd finish that, I'd give him more.  When I thought he had eaten more than enough, I'd try to pull him out of the high chair.  Try.  He would hold on for dear life.  His mother had also been a good eater.  She once toddled up to the refrigerator, banged on it and said, "Mine!".

Other children can be very picky eaters, causing their parents anxiety.  We understand the importance of a healthy diet, but our child will tolerate only a limited number of foods.  We look for new ways to coax him to eat.  We pretend the spoon is an airplane:  "Here comes the plane, flying into the hangar"; or a train:  "chugga chugga choo choo" into the child's mouth.  I did all sorts of things to make healthy food more fun for my children.  The most memorable was adding whole carrots to their lunch boxes, carrots that still had the green leaves attached.  I thought they might pretend to be Bugs Bunny.  Instead, I think they may have been embarrassed.  They were the "only" children who didn't bring junk food to school.  Once, my son traded his sliced cucumbers for a fruit roll.  I was actually more concerned about the boy who gave up the fruit roll; what kind of diet did this poor boy have, where he preferred the cucumbers to candy?

Sometimes parents give children unhealthy food because it's simply easier.  It takes more time to prepare fresh food than to open a box or package of something ready-made.  Children love sweets (don't most of us?) and will whine and cry for it.  Treats are okay occasionally.  Part of the definition of a treat is that we get it once in a while; that it's outside of the norm. A steady diet of treats is a recipe for disaster.  The best approach is to simply not keep junk in the house, and to only allow it on special occasions.  Fresh fruit can be just as delicious.  I call it G-d's candy.  Some planning ahead can ensure that there are healthy options available when our children want snacks.  In addition to fruit, we can keep fresh veggies, sliced cheese, whole grain crackers and pretzels on hand.  

Regardless of our children's individual appetites or tastes, there are steps we can take to make sure that they are eating healthfully.  One suggestion is to limit the choices available at home.  In the early childhood programs where I worked, we offered milk or water to children at snack time.  Every year, parents would advise us that their children would not drink milk.  However, when the only choice was milk or water, the children inevitably began drinking milk. Stating that a child won't drink milk can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.  I was once in a classroom where the children were eating apples.  The teacher complained that they had been serving apples too often for snack.  One little girl was listening nearby as the teacher complained.  She put her apple down mid-bite and didn't finish it.  When my children were younger, I served salad at most meals.  Eventually, everyone learned to enjoy salad.

Parents' attitudes toward foods strongly impact a child's eating habits.  It's important to keep an open mind and to use neutral language.  For example, we can say that we don't care for a particular food, or it's not our taste.  We shouldn't label a food as "disgusting" or "yuck".  All food is a gift from G-d and children should learn to respect it.  Schools are not permitted to use food as punishment, and this should be true at home too.  Snacks and meals are necessities, not privileges.  Food should also not be the first thing we run to when we're hurt or sad.  We don't want our children to confuse their hunger for comfort with their hunger for food.  

Food is a basic necessity, one that we can't live without.  It is also one of life's pleasures.  Finding a healthy balance of nutritious eating will fulfill our responsibility of feeding our children, teach them self-care, and nourish their optimal development.

Jewish Children and Christmas

Christmas is a magical time of year for young children.  Here in America, it feels like everyone is celebrating.  Houses are brightly lit, Christmas carols play repeatedly on the radio and in stores, Christmas shows and cartoons abound on TV, streets are adorned with wreaths and stars, people seem friendlier, shops have colorful displays and are busier than ever.  It's impossible not to get swept up in the happy anticipation of the big day.  

Before I converted to Judaism, Christmas was the highlight of my year.  My parents took us shopping to pick out a real tree which we decorated carefully, filling the house with the smell of pine.  My mother stenciled Christmas scenes on our windows, and hung the many cards we received in the shape of a tree on our living room wall.  My father strung colorful lights across our front porch. I learned the story of Christmas from the nuns at Sunday school, who also taught us carols in English and Latin. Our school held a fair every year, with games, gifts, and a movie.  We also had a Christmas play.  One year I played the Virgin Mary.  Another, I was a wind-up doll and had a solo singing "White Christmas".  Christmas day, my siblings and I woke up to tons of gifts, which we compared with our friends when we went to church that morning.  Later would be a huge family feast,  more gifts and special treats.  The winter season added to the warm, cozy feeling of celebrating this incredible day.

When I got to high school, my boyfriend and l would attend midnight mass on Christmas eve and exchange gifts.  I continued to send Christmas cards to all my friends, but for  the first time in my life, I had Jewish friends.  I remember feeling sorry for them.  What is life without Christmas?   I would select a few generic holiday cards to send them.  But now that I am a Jew myself, I have a different understanding of holidays and celebrations.  Here's what I've learned.

The beauty of Christmas stems from its religious meaning.  Take that away, and the celebration becomes about glorifying commercialism and materialism.  I wholeheartedly support those who endeavor to "Keep Christ in Christmas". Holidays and traditions are meant to connect us to our history and confirm our beliefs and values.  If we want our children to lead principled lives with pride and confidence in who they are and where they come from, then we owe it to them to make sure our celebrations are authentic to our family values.

Over the years, people have mistakenly equated Chanukah with the "Jewish Christmas".  This probably stems from the fact that they both occur at the same time of year, and that Jewish parents are eager to off-set the influence of Christmas on their children.  This is very wrong-minded.  Here are two videos that can explain this way better than I can:  

 Really cool rap song:  https://www.facebook.com/rocky.zweig/videos/10159621579030117/

Mayim Bialik:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hYeg7QbGR7E

The Jewish faith is rich in traditions and meaningful celebrations.  Rather than offer children a phony imitation of someone else's faith, Jewish parents should explore and share their own faith with their children.  Years ago, before I converted, I had agreed with my husband Jackie to raise our children Jewish.  One day when we returned from a visit to my parents', Jackie expressed his concern about the exposure our daughter had to Catholicism;  a crucifix in my brother's room, saying grace before meals.  We realized that to raise a child Jewish, we needed to expose her in some way to Jewish things.  He decided to begin lighting Friday night candles with our daughter.  And so our journey began.

Christmas does not have to be an obstacle to raising Jewish children.  There are many ways that parents can bring the beauty and richness of Judaism into their family, through rituals, artifacts, stories, holidays, and family traditions.  Any child who knows the treasure of his own heritage can be happy and proud of his place in the world.  When we adults take the time to examine our values and remain true to those values in every way,  we can pass them on untainted to our children.