Where Are You?

I just finished reading Hillbilly Elegy, by J.D. Vance.  It is a memoir that describes the decline of white working class Americans, mixing personal experiences with studies and statistics.  The author's family are hillbillies from Kentucky.  He is one of the few in his community to get a college education (Yale Law School, no less) and change his cultural and social class.  His book got me thinking about my own life story.  How does anyone get to where they are in life?

I think of our lives as partnerships with G-d.  He gives us gifts over which we have no control:  where, when, and to whom we are born; our siblings and birth order; our physical characteristics; our individual temperaments; our natural intelligence.  Our role in this partnership is what we do with what we're given; the choices we make that ultimately determine who we become.  Parts of our lives are cultural or familial inheritance.  But the time comes when we need to make our own decisions and assume responsibility for who we want to be.

I would often look at a class of students and wonder what life circumstances and adult decisions brought them to this place at this time. Why is this particular child in this class? Who are his parents and grandparents?  Where did they come from?  What brought them to this school? What can I learn from this child?  What can I teach him?  The decisions we make as adults become part of the uncontrollable factors in a child's life.  For good or for bad, our words and actions will have a lasting impact. 

The picture above is of my paternal grandparents, Anthony and Jenny Cariello, with my oldest child, my Risa.  My grandfather emigrated from Naples, Italy when he was a young boy.  My grandmother came over as a baby with her family from Sicily.  At the time of this photograph, Risa and I were not yet Jewish.   I converted shortly before her third birthday. My husband and I raised a family of fully observant and committed Jewish children. I went on to a career in Jewish education.  Risa has dedicated her life to Jewish outreach and is raising seven children of her own.  Together, we have touched the lives of hundreds, probably more, of Jewish families.

So how does a little Italian baby grow up to teach Jews about Judaism?  In my case, I had a thirst for knowledge and a strong connection to G-d at an early age.  I was the first in my family to graduate college, earning a B.A. and M.A. in Spanish.  I met my husband in undergraduate school. We were married by a Judge after we had both graduated.   I discovered Judaism when our first two daughters were still babies and I embraced it fully.  I  fell into early childhood education by doing some family daycare when my youngest two children were babies.  I went back to school for a second masters degree, this time in early childhood education, and was offered a job as director at a local yeshiva.  I loved my work and continued to grow professionally for many years.

Many of my friends and family never went to college.  Where would I be now if I had decided to get a job right out of high school?  Or even if I had stayed at Iona College, where I studied my freshman year, and not transferred to Binghamton?  It's unlikely that I would have met my husband.  I might have returned to the Catholic church, but cannot imagine that I would have considered Judaism.  And suppose I returned to teaching high school Spanish instead of starting a family daycare?  I probably wouldn’t have pursued a career in early childhood education.  My decisions as a young adult determined the course of my life.  And I think that's true of all of us.

Take some time to think about your own life story.  Where do you come from?  What life decisions brought you to where you are today?  How might your current decisions impact your children's future?  If you're a teacher, recognize that each student brings with her the life stories of her family.  Understand that you have the power to affect her in ways you may not even imagine.  

Toys: My Holiday Picks

I love shopping for toys, and with 17 grandchildren I get plenty of opportunities to do so.  If play is the work of childhood, then toys are the tools.  Carefully chosen toys give children the means to explore their world and to acquire a plethora of important skills and knowledge.  Unlike traditional tools however, the best toys are open-ended, with a generalized purpose.  In carpentry for example, certain jobs require very specific tools. In play, good toys should be used in multiple ways, only limited by a child's imagination.  Think of a set of unit blocks, which are a staple in early childhood classrooms.  Children can build towers, farms, skyscrapers, zoos, neighborhoods, roads, or any structure that they might dream up.  Blocks are sometimes used to take the place of people or planes or trees. (This sort of representational play is actually quite sophisticated, and is a prerequisite to reading and creativity.)   Some other basic super toys for children of all ages include play-doh, art supplies (crayons, paints, markers...), balls, vehicles, dolls, books, puzzles, and riding toys.  

  Toys are the best gifts to give to children because they are appreciated so much more than anything practical.  And isn't the point of gift-giving to bring joy to the recipient?  When choosing a gift,  the first consideration should be the child's interests and current developmental levels.  A good toy will bring her hours if not years of fun. My own grandchildren range in age from 7 months to 17 years, so I thought it might be helpful to share some of my gift ideas for different age groups.  If you know any of my grandchildren, please don't tell!

My youngest granddaughter is the fourth child in her family.  I'm getting her a soft doll and money for spring clothes.  Toy shopping for Infants can be difficult because they neither need nor appreciate toys.  They are just as happy to grab and mouth a paper cup as an expensive teething toy.  That being said, board books are good infant toys, as are play mats and bouncers.  As they pass their first birthday, they might enjoy walker toys (they hold on and toddle), an outdoor swing, banging toys like balls and hammers, nesting toys, soft blocks, or a toy piano.  A favorite toy I gave my one year olds was a rocking horse.

Twos are ready to manipulate their fine motor muscles.  They like farm houses with little animals, or garages with small cars and an elevator they can crank up and down.  Peg boards, large beads for lacing, Mr. Potato Head, shape sorters, all work their fine muscles and are great fun.  Twos also enjoy bath toys and riding toys that they move by pushing their feet. The best two year old toy I've given was probably a wagon.  Kids love to ride and pull their friends, and parents find them useful at parks and zoos.

Three year olds are busy acquiring language and beginning to play imaginatively.   They're steadier on their feet and ready for large muscle toys.  Previous gifts I've gotten for three year olds were hoppers (to sit on and bounce), trikes, scooters, dolls and accessories, floor puzzles, dress-ups, puppets, tool kits, and basketball hoops.  The most popular were probably the play kitchens I got for each family.  This year, I have three three-year old grandchildren:  two boys and a girl.  I got my granddaughter Spin Art.  I got both grandsons something called Tap and Tack.  It's a cork board that comes with various wooden shapes, each with a little hole, and child-safe nails and hammer.  They'll hammer the shapes onto the board and make up their own designs. 

Fours and fives will enjoy many of the same toys as threes.  As their skills are more advanced, they begin to play simple board games like Candy Land, Chutes and Ladders, or Connect Four.  They may advance from trikes to two-wheelers, from Duplos to Legos.  This year, four of my grandchildren are six years old:  two girls and two boys.  One girl is getting a play-school set.  It comes with a chalkboard, chalk, name plates, prizes... she picked it out of a catalog (lakeshorelearning.com).  I bought her cousin a set of tangrams.  It's a magnetic set, with shapes that can be arranged to look like animals.  One of my boys is getting a set of walkie-talkies, and the other is getting a build-your-own creature with remote control capabilities.  He  picked it from the same catalog.  

There are two eight year olds, one nine year old, one ten year old, and two eleven year olds in our family.   Only one of the eight year olds is a girl.  She chose the same school play set as her six year old cousin. Her eight year old cousin is getting a complete 2017 set of baseball cards.  The nine, ten, and one eleven year old are all getting  ATM style savings banks.  They love money and have collected empty bottles and set up lemonade stands to earn some, so I know this will be a hit.  The other eleven year old is getting Boggle, a word game he can play with his siblings.

We have three teenage grandchildren. They are impossible to shop for.  Even if I think of something they might like, teens in general are very picky.  So they are each getting money, and I know they will be thrilled.

As much as I love buying toys, there are times when the best present is a special one-on-one outing.  Giving individual attention to one child, maybe attending a game or show, is a priceless gift for both the recipient and the giver! 

 It's so much fun to give to our children, to make them happy.  I hope you enjoy shopping and are rewarded with lots of smiles and hugs and days filled with play.

Mirror, Mirror

Remember that line from Snow White?  The wicked queen had a magic mirror that she would ask everyday, "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?".  The mirror always answered that she was, until the day it named Snow White.  And so the story began.

 Wouldn't it be lovely to have a magic mirror that could honestly evaluate our strengths and weaknesses?  Self-awareness is so hard to achieve.  In a way though, we actually do have such a mirror.  We learn a lot about ourselves by the ways in which people respond to us. Part of growing up is figuring out who we are how we fit into the world, and we get much of that  information from the caring adults in our lives.  Children know how we feel about them and what we think of them, regardless of the words we use.  They intuit our true thoughts and feelings.   Our eyes are magic mirrors that reflect who they are.

I interviewed many potential teachers when I was an early childhood director.  One question I learned to omit from the interview was, "Why do you want to teach young children?".  The answer was always "Because I love children".  Unfortunately, this statement is meaningless.  Most everyone claims to love children, but what does that really mean?  Sure kids can be adorable, and affectionate, and funny and cute, and make us feel needed.  But they can also be mean and rude and defiant and hyperactive and messy.  They test our patience and can make us feel incompetent.  Loving a child isn't about saying it or even feeling it; it's about our actions.  Loving a child means working very, very hard to understand what her behaviors are communicating to us; to reach deep within ourselves for all the patience and positivity we can muster to get her through this stage, then the next.  I used to tell my teachers that they would not fall in love with every child in their class, but that every child had some lovable qualities, and it was their job to identify, appreciate, and build on those qualities.  It's no easy task, but it's the only way that children can learn.  They need to know, deep in their bones, that we really care for them. 

One day a prospective teacher was giving a model lesson to a toddler class.  A little boy in that class had been presenting behavior problems; frequently hitting the other children, pulling their toys away, and even biting.  The teachers, parents, and I were working together to identify his needs and help him learn better behavior.  At the model lesson, the prospective teacher asked each child his/her name.  This little boy said, "I'm Connor (not his real name) and I'm a bad boy".  My heart dropped to my feet.  I'm sure no one ever told him that, but he felt it.  He understood that he was attracting a lot of negative attention, and as wonderful as his teacher was, it was only human for her to feel the need to gird her strength day after day, paste on a happy face and try to manage this child's antics.  On some level, he caught all that.  

Children can sometimes misinterpret our reactions.  How many times have you heard a child say, "My teacher hates me."  This is surely an exaggeration, as anyone capable of hate is certainly incapable of teaching.  Nevertheless, the child is probably sensing something and it would be a good idea to contact the teacher and hear her thoughts.  At home, one of my daughters was convinced that every time I became angry at her I stopped  loving her. She would wail, "Mommy hates me!".   It took lots of one-on-one time and conversation for  her to believe that I loved her no matter what.  Even if she did a bad thing and even if I was very  angry, she was my precious child and I still loved her. Behaviors can be bad; but children are not.  It's important to separate the behavior from the inner-self.  I wanted my daughter to know that there was nothing she could ever do to make me stop loving her.

These examples show how exquisitely sensitive children are to the feelings of  adults .  It's not terrible for them to see our disappointment or even anger.  Disappointment shows that we know they can do better.  Anger, as long as it is controlled, can even serve as an important teaching tool.  Children see that anger is a normal human emotion, and that the speech or behavior that prompted it is deeply offensive.  By observing how we behave when we're angry, children can learn ways to manage their own angry feelings.


I've heard it said that eyes are the window to the soul.  I personally believe that children are almost like angels.  They're so new to the earth, and haven't yet sinned.  Maybe that's why they can look into our eyes and read us like a book.  For their sake, I continue to work on myself, so that when a child looks into my eyes all he sees is love and kindness.

Say What??

Kids say the funniest things.  How often have you been surprised by a child's unintentional laugh-out-loud comment?  As my kids were growing up, and I worked with so many kids at school, I kept saying I would write these things down; it would make a great book.  But I never did, and now I'm left with the few quips that made their way into my long-term memory.  I've sort of categorized some of these sayings here.

One of the first that comes to mind is the way that small children can confuse names.  For example, when my daughter was little, someone asked her the name of her doll.  She said, "Allison".  We didn't know anyone by that name, so I asked her, "Who's Allison?".  "Allison Wonderland", she replied.  In the early childhood playground one day a girl said to me, "I know your name.  It's Georgia".  I said, "You're right.  But do you know my Hebrew name?  I'll give you a hint.  It's the same as yours".  She lit up with a bright smile and said, "Princess?".  Another girl told her mother that I was the princess of the school.  Someone had told her that I was the principal, and she confused the words.  And then there are the children who think Ella Mennow invented the alphabet: " l-m-n-o-p".

Some of the things that kids say demonstrate how they are beginning to acquire vocabulary, even though they lack mastery.  Like when my daughter told me she was "boring" because she had nothing to do.  Or a little girl came to class with no pennies for the charity box because her daddy was "broken". I once told a two year old to hit a ball with a bat.  After I tossed it to her, she watched it fall to the ground and then proceeded to beat it with her bat.  A little boy listened as I read Where's Spot? to his toddler class.  On one page there is a big speech bubble next to a turtle and he said, "The turtle's eating a potato!".

I love the way kids can be so unselfconscious about their appearance.  The picture above is of my granddaughter, minutes after she raided her mother's make-up bag and said, "I no do nothing!".  Another time, she was at a family gathering where I had served chips, veggies, and dip.  She came into the kitchen with her face covered in white.  "What's on your face?", asked my daughter.  "Face paint!", she said.  It was dip.  Then there was a little boy in a four year old class that covered his face with a thick layer of white sun block before going out to play.  I told him to look in the full length mirror we had in the housekeeping corner.  He framed his face with his hands, tilted his head, and said, "Adorable!".

Bathroom words are hilarious to young children, and often used to break the ice.  When my daughter was five, she was shy to attend birthday parties.  I once brought her to a party and two little boys ran over to her.  "Doody", said one.  "Pee-pee", said the other.  Done.  She ran off laughing to play with them.  Another time, I brought one of my grandsons to visit his cousin.  They were both five at the time.  At first they were a little shy.  Then one said, "I farted".  The other answered, "I made doody in my pants".  They cracked up laughing and were inseparable all day.  Another grandson was on the toilet with the door ajar.  He called out to his mom, "Mommy, right doody's a bathroom word?".  "Yes" confirmed my daughter.  "Well, I'm in the bathroom now" and he made up a song/chant, "doody, doody, doody, doody,".

There are times when we are surprised by our children's perspectives of the world. My daughter had a treasured Grover doll that she lost.  Weeks later, we were in Toys R Us, and she spotted a Grover doll on the shelf.  "Grover!", she caIled.  "I looked and looked for you!". In a Pre-k class, the teacher was reading a book to the children on the carpet while the assistant prepared the tables for the next activity.  One boy said to the teacher, "Why does the other teacher do all the work?".  An incredibly touching moment happened to me several years ago.  A little boy immigrated from Israel in September and started kindergarten without a word of English.  He began acting out, hitting the other children.  I carved out some time each day to teach him English in my office, with books, songs, and finger plays.  He was very bright, and by December, he was acclimating well to his class.  The next year when he was in first grade he saw me in the cafeteria. He looked up at me and said, "I knew you when I didn't know anything". Wow.  He remembered feeling lost and confused, and he remembered that I helped him.  A definite highlight of my career.

Sometimes kids say things and we scratch our heads, clueless as to where they come up with these things.  A group of four year olds was playing airplane.  They lined up their chairs and were preparing for take-off when one little girl shouted, "No sex on the airplane!" .  ???!!!  In another class, a teacher of three's played music at clean-up time. Each time it started, one little boy jumped up and yelled, "Cha-cha!".  The class started a routine of dancing at clean up time!

Not everything kids say is funny.  I have some very poignant memories too, which I'll save for another time.  But whether funny or serious, we can learn a lot by listening to our children. Maybe it's not too late to start writing things down.

Thanksgiving

 Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday.  It continues to hold deep meaning for me, from both its historical and spiritual perspectives. Thanksgiving commemorates a successful harvest for the newly arrived Pilgrims, achieved through the beneficence of the host culture of Native Americans.  Two peoples, seemingly completely different, sat together to celebrate the bounty of Mother Earth and the collaboration of her children.  A societal ideal for which we still strive today.

For my family, Thanksgiving is the one holiday that we can fully celebrate together.  Gratitude for the blessings of life transcends religion.  While we try to live gratefully everyday, it's so nice to have one special day dedicated to being thankful.  Just like we try to respect our mother everyday, but treat her extra specially on Mothers Day.  Filling our homes with family and friends, filling our table with festive foods, taking time to acknowledge the goodness in our lives; this is the essence of Thanksgiving, and a huge cause for celebration.  

Gratitude is a difficult character trait to instill in our children, because it stems from a feeling.  What we can teach are the physical actions that demonstrate gratitude, such as saying "please" and "thank you".  At first, saying these words may not mean much to a child, but when practiced over and over, they do plant seeds of gratitude.  Children who are accustomed to saying "thank you"  come to recognize the actions or words that prompt that response.  For example, if they are taught to say "thank you" every time someone gives them a snack, they will eventually identify receiving a snack as a signal for thanks.   We can also encourage them to perform acts of kindness, such as calling grandma or a sick friend,  and let them know how much their actions are appreciated.

Children learn best by observing the important adults in their lives, so we can teach gratitude through our own behaviors. We can be sure to say thank you to people who serve us, either at a gas station, restaurant, supermarket, etc. If  a child says something nice, or makes us a picture, or picks up his toys when asked, we can let him know how grateful we are for his thoughtfulness.   We can talk about how much we appreciate the people and things in our lives, helping children see that everything we have is a gift; nothing should be taken for granted.

Prefacing a request with "please" can engender gratitude too.  By saying "please", we acknowledge someone else's control over what we want.  Even if we are sure to receive it, whatever it may be, "please" teaches us that we are not owed or entitled.   We respect the kindness of others. In this way, "please" is an advanced expression of gratitude.  I once met a boy in the supermarket parking lot who was clearly being taught good manners.  I had just emptied my cart into the trunk of my car.  He approached me and asked for the cart.  I said "Please", meaning please take it.  He said, "Please?", thinking I was telling him to say please.  

If  we truly believe that everything we have is a gift, then gratitude becomes easier.  And when we feel grateful, we feel happier, and more at peace.  That's a wonderful gift to pass on to our children.

Cooking With Kids

The kitchen is the heart of the home.  It is the central gathering place for family members, a place of warmth where we feel cared for and safe .  Cooking for our family expresses our love for them, as we nourish them with healthy food that enables them to grow, and we nurture them with tastes that bring them pleasure.  Food preparation involves all of our senses: the kitchen fills with aroma; we feel the warmth of the oven; we hear the sounds of boiling or frying or perking (coffee; notice the coffee pots in both pictures); we're given a sample to touch and taste.  These are very soothing sensory experiences, so we feel comforted, secure, at peace.

Involving our children in cooking is so good for them, in so many ways.  At home, children learn the life skills of food preparation and forge a generational connection that will follow  them into adulthood.  Children generally love to be included in the cooking process, and gain a feeling of competence and value as they contribute to the family.  Including children however adds time to the process, so it's not always feasible.  Still, if they start with small tasks they will gain proficiency and be ready to take on more.  The longer we do something the better we get at it.  Even small children can be taught to add ingredients, to wash vegetables, to crack eggs (tap, crack, and use thumbs to separate), to peel and cut, pour and mix. 

I think children gravitate toward preparing their favorite foods.  As a child, it was my job to make the salad.  My mother taught me to tear the lettuce and dribble just enough olive oil and vinegar to lightly coat each piece.  To this day, I make the best salad (just sayin) and never measure.  Her father did all the cooking in their house, and we visited them at least once a week.  My job was to taste the macaroni.  Grandpa would trust me to know when it was ready.  Again, to this day I do not time anything I cook.  I just sort of know when it's done.  In my family, one of my daughters makes the best french fries.  Another is an incredible baker.  And another has a favorite dessert she makes every Passover.  It's a touching experience to eat at their homes, enjoying so many of the foods I normally cook.

Cooking is an integral part of most early childhood classrooms.  It's a wonderful experience for young children who are just learning to separate from their parents, because it evokes homey feelings, fortifying the home-school connection.  It's also a terrific way to learn math and science, as children measure ingredients and observe the changes that occur when foods are mixed and/or cooked.  The caveat to all this learning is that children be allowed to cook independently. Teachers know that children learn by doing, but tend to take over for them when it comes to cooking.   In too many classrooms, I have seen the children watch the teacher measure and mix, while they sit around a table waiting for a turn to stir.  To be effective, cooking should be done in small groups, so that each child has an authentic opportunity to learn.  Children can be taught to follow a recipe, maybe in rebus form (with pictures).  They can learn to measure, to cut, to mix, to pour, etc.  School supply stores sell child-size utensils for cooking.  A good one is forsmallhands.com, a Montessori catalogue. 

Children are most often recipients.  We do a lot for them.  Teaching them to cook allows them to become givers.  It feels good to give, to be generous, to be loving, to be needed.  Opening the doors to giving is a precious gift to children.  Mix in the sensory experiences of preparing foods, and the math, science, and reading lessons involved...cooking is pretty much the ideal teaching tool!

Bullying

A reader asked for my thoughts on bullying.  I've avoided the topic for awhile because I don't think I know that much about it.  Nevertheless, bullying is so common, so harmful, and so relevant to our times, that I find I'm thinking about it a lot.  

Most of my experience has been in early childhood education, where we see the seeds of bullying, but not real bullying per se.  It begins when children try to attach dire consequences to not getting what they want:  "If you don't let me play with your new toy, you can't come to my party", or "I won't be your friend".  They've learned that undesirable behaviors have consequences, and they try to intimidate their friend to satisfy their wants.  These children can be taught to use better language.  The adults in their lives should point out that words can be as hurtful as as hitting.  Telling someone they can't come to your party will hurt their feelings, and not be true anyway.  It's better to be direct:  "That's a great toy.  Can I have a turn?".  If the child is denied a turn, we can help her find something else to play with, talk about her favorite playthings, involve her in another activity.  We can also ask the child with the special toy to grant a few minutes to his friend, or think about a way that they can play with it together.  Without adult guidance, can this turn into bullying as they get older?

Another germ of bullying in early childhood can be seen when a child is excluded from play.  "You can't play with us".  This is very difficult for adults to witness and so painful to the child.  We expect everyone to be friends and get along.  Realistically though, this is not so easy.  Even as adults, we click better with some people than others, we prefer to spend time with some friends over others.  This happens with children, too.  However, telling someone they can't play is rude and hurtful.  We made a rule in my early childhood programs that "You can't say you can't play".  In school, learning to get along with others, maybe especially with those who are different, is a core part of the curriculum.  

Of course no one would ever ask, but any four year old could name the "weird" kid in his class.  Children who present differently than their peers can make those around them uncomfortable.  It's hard to relate and find common ground.  This is where the teacher must step in and seek ways to "normalize" the child; show respect and use positive language for his ideas and his class work; find ways to include him in play with others, either through a board game, which forces turn-taking, or simply sharing toys at the play-dough or sand tables.  Sitting with the child at these times to facilitate conversations will help him integrate with his classmates.  Again, if there is no adult guidance in this scenario, can this become bullying?

Bullying among older children is harder to pinpoint because it does not take place in front of adults.  I remember a girl in my elementary school that was called the "Cootie Queen".  Boys especially would laugh and make fun of her regularly.  I'm ashamed to say, I did nothing, and even understood why they called her that.  She was always dirty, with greasy hair and raggedy clothes.  She was very quiet and withdrawn.  In this case, the bullies were saying aloud what others were thinking.  And in this case, I think the adults could have done more to prevent the taunts.  A caring teacher could have talked to the girl about hygiene and called the parents.  One of the hardest calls I ever made as an early childhood director was to the parents of a child who smelled terribly.  The parents determined that she wasn't wiping herself properly after toileting.  I don't know, but I like to think that we saved her from being teased.

There are many school programs to combat bullying.  In general, I think the best way to fight it is to make it cool to be kind.  Adults should refrain from gossip.  We need to watch our words when talking about people or institutions, like the school.  We should not allow our children to talk badly about anyone.  Talking badly about someone can turn to talking badly to someone. Children should also either avoid, or at least be taught about, TV characters who are portrayed as 'stupid', 'nerdy', less than others.  It is so important to find the good in everyone and speak kindly.

Victims of bullying need support. Teachers and parents should encourage them to report any incident that makes them uncomfortable.  Reporting incidents of bullying is not tattling.  Parents can take note of any social skills that their child may need to strengthen.  We can teach her to make eye contact, to use good posture, to modulate her voice so it's not too loud and not too soft.   Encourage children to pursue  their special interests in a club or summer camp where they might meet other children who share those interests.  We can also encourage play dates, and participation in social events at school or in the neighborhood.  A child who can count on trusted adults, who feels good about herself, and who has one or two close friends should be less likely to feel like a victim.

The effects of bullying can be fatal, as we've seen too many times.  Teens especially are so sensitive to what others say and think about them.  Maybe that's one reason they're addicted to social media.  Technology can be our worst enemy in fighting bullying.  We all must recognize the power of words, and teach our kids to never put anything in writing that they wouldn't say to someone's face.  Words hurt, maybe more so in writing, where the tone is left to our imagination.

I believe we were all made in the image of G-d.  Every life is sacred.  If we try hard to speak and act as if we really believe that, maybe our children will learn kindness and stop bullying.  I hope so.