Nostalgia

I joined Facebook about seven months ago.  I'm not sure what took me so long, but I'm very glad that I finally did.  Reconnecting with old friends is a priceless joy, and of course along with that re-connection come the memories of happy, younger days. I notice that many people post mementos of days gone by and I've been wondering about the role of nostalgia in our lives.  Is it unhealthy to reminisce?  Can reliving happy memories make the present seem dull in comparison?  I actually think that the opposite is true.

Nostalgia is defined as sentimentality for the past, for a place or time with happy personal associations.  The word is derived from the Greek "nostos", which means "return home", most likely influenced by the travels of Odysseus and the memories of home that sustained him through his travels.  In this sense, visiting the past brings comfort, warm feelings, and hope.  Happy memories validate that we are loved, connected to others, and that our lives have meaning.  Nostalgia can alleviate feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and boredom. Happy memories are forever; they cannot be taken away from us.  As Humphrey Bogart said in "Casablanca", "We'll always have Paris."  We will always have the precious moments that live in our memories. No one can touch them.

Nostalgia can be painful if we use our memories to compare the past and the present.  Think of Stephen Still's line in "Suite:  Judy Blue Eyes", "Don't let the past remind us of what we are not now".  It's unproductive and untrue to think that things were so much better in "the good old days"; to regret our choices and think, "If only...".   Instead, we should derive strength from our memories, understanding that our personal history is what makes us who we are now.  We can make better choices today when we recognize and stay true to the sense of self that continues to live in our memories.


I am particularly fascinated with the role of music in our memories.  I recently read that the music we love from the ages of twelve to twenty-two gets permanently wired into our brains and becomes "the soundtrack of our lives".   It is at this stage of life that our self-identity emerges.  Our hormones heighten our emotions dramatically, and the music we enjoy infuses the most momentous years of our lives. Our favorite music is tightly connected with our memories, and its relevance to us does not weaken as we age.  No matter how many years have gone by, certain songs can make us  relive the feelings we had when we first heard them.  The opening licks of Eric Clapton's "Layla" still pull at my heart, and bring me back to my days in the college pub (my favorite hangout).  I know that my thirty-something daughter's heart still beats a little faster when she hears Hanson's "Um Bop".

A few days ago, I was feeling sad about the horrors in Florida, as well as missing my sister, who would have celebrated her birthday last week.  I posted Jimmy Ruffin's "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted", which I have been singing to myself relentlessly for days.  It seemed very cool to me that the people who responded to the post were friends of mine from junior high school, when that song came out.  We all loved Motown (and still do) and I remember us singing together.  I know that these friends could absolutely relate to my feelings through this song, even though I didn't verbalize them.  We will always share that musical / nostalgic connection.

I read somewhere else that children as young as seven can feel nostalgic, particularly as they recall holidays and other celebrations.  We cannot tell which particular events will make their way into our children's memories.  All we can do is to make each day as positive and wonderful as we can. And listening to their memories as they grow may give us a better view into the personal history they are creating for themselves. 

So as important as it is to live in the present, an occasional trip down memory lane has definite benefits. Joni Mitchell sings, "We can't return we can only look behind from where we came".  Happy memories, a strong sense of self to make good choices now; a full life.

Music

I always have a song in my head.  Sometimes it's annoying because I can't get rid of it, but mostly I'm used to it.  Anything I see or hear can trigger a song.  For example, the other day my grand-kids were playing with play-doh, and my three year old asked his brother for the "roller" (rolling pin).  Immediately, Jim Morrison started singing in my head, "You gotta roll, roll, roll, you gotta thrill my soul, all right."  Years ago, I woke up with a song in my head that I didn't recognize.  It was a Friday morning, and I was facing an extremely busy, hectic day.  After awhile, I stopped whatever I was doing to listen to my own head and try to identify the tune.  It was the theme song from "Mission Impossible"!!

Music is a universal language that connects us to the world physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  I read somewhere that the reason music affects us physically is because we subconsciously relate it to the natural rhythms of our body:  our heartbeat, our breath, and our walking patterns.  Music can give us goose bumps, calm us, or literally get us on our feet.   It changes our moods and emotions.  It speaks to something deep within us.  I've relied on music to help me through some of the toughest times in my life.  The greatest support for my young, broken heart was Eric Clapton's "Bell Bottom Blues".  I listened to it almost constantly for weeks.  When I lost my family daycare business years later, I played the Grateful Dead's "Touch of Gray" over and over to give me strength.  After my sister died, I turned to Eitan Katz's "Gam Ki Eilech", playing it for months.  In fact, I sang Neshama Carlebach’s versión to her at her deathbed and later at her funeral.  

Music is a spiritual connector.  King David served G-d with music, and Jews continue to use many traditional tunes in prayers.  Gospel music and hymns are part of church services, and Christmas carols are an intrinsic part of the holiday.   Music stirs our souls and focuses us on our intentions during prayer.  It inspires us to something greater than ourselves.  Think about national anthems and how they can stir our feelings of patriotism.

They say that music makes children smart, and I believe that is true.  Calming music, like many classical pieces, causes our bodies to relax, making it easier for our minds  to concentrate.  Playing soft background music in class during independent or small group work time can set a calm and productive environment for learning.  And using music or rhythmic chants as teaching tools will practically guarantee sustained learning.  Our minds naturally look for order and patterns to make sense of the world around us, and these are plentiful in music.  To this day, I only know how many months are in a year if I recite a poem that I learned in elementary school (30 days hath September...).  And how about the spelling rule, "i before e....".  

Music is an incredible memory aid.  Certain songs have the power to bring us back to specific times in our lives.  Don't you remember the songs of your childhood?  Do you still know the words to your favorite songs?  What we learn through music stays with us. Interestingly, studies have shown the amazing effects that music can have on Alzheimers patients.  When these patients hear music that is personally meaningful to them, it taps into their deep memories.  At these times, they feel like themselves again, can converse, and stay present.   

Music is thought to be a "soft" subject and is often quick to be cut in schools where funding is low.  But since the beginning of time, music has been an essential part of our human experience.  It's rhythms, patterns, and harmonies are closely correlated to mathematics, and make learning more accessible.  Music improves listening skills, attention skills and memory.  It  brings us peace and connects our inner selves to a higher power.  Play your favorite music often, and make sure to share it with your children.