Snow White

Last week my six year old granddaughter Nava and I spent a day in Manhattan.  We took some time to look at the display windows of Saks Fifth Avenue, which were beautifully decorated with animated scenes from Snow White.  Each window was intricately detailed and delightful to observe.  I was very surprised to learn however that Nava had never heard of Snow White!  I grew up on fairy tales, and certainly passed the stories on to my own children.  I wondered if her ignorance was intentional or unintentional.  Many of the fairy tales I enjoyed as a child became outmoded with the feminist movement.   Waiting for Prince Charming to come to a woman's rescue became a sign of weakness and chauvinism.  It turned out however that my daughter did not intentionally shield Nava from the Snow White story.  Instead, newer Disney princesses and heroines have taken her place.

As we waited for the train home, I told Nava the story of Snow White.  When we got to my house, I played the Disney video (yes, we still have a VCR).  Some fresh ideas about feminism and role models for young girls came to mind as I revisited this childhood classic.  The first new impression was of Snow White's admirable character traits and the definition of beauty.  Her stepmother had forced her to work as a housemaid, cleaning and scrubbing and dressed in rags.  But Snow White appeared content with her lot.  She worked without complaint, singing and dreaming of a better future.  Her kind and gentle nature attracted innocent woodland creatures and birds, who became her friends. And it was this gracious demeanor that made her even more beautiful than the Queen.

When the huntsman brought Snow White to the forest and urged her to run away, she appeared frightened and helpless.  The shadowy woods seemed to be threatening her, with branches snatching at her cloak and spooky eyes peering out from the darkness.  She tripped several times in her fear until she finally fell down and succumbed to sleep.   She woke up surrounded by curious woodland creatures and told them something I found amazing:  "... you don't know what I've been through.  And all because I was afraid.  I'm so ashamed.".  Snow White understands that only fear can make one truly helpless.  A  brave woman is in control and able to make smart choices.

The little animals led Snow White to the house of the Seven Dwarfs.  They worked at her side to clean and de-clutter the house, and Snow White cooked a big pot of soup. She brought order and a sense of well-being to the lives of the Seven Dwarfs.  She made them wash before dinner, and they sang and danced afterward.  The dancing scene was full of love, happiness and security, feelings associated with home.  In making a home for the Seven Dwarfs, Snow White filled the traditional role of a woman, a role which seems to have lost its value in our modern society.  Political correctness blurs the differences between the sexes and calls for men and women to share in the housekeeping as well as the breadwinning.  But keeping house is not the same as making a home.  I think it's a naturally feminine trait to nurture.  Many men help, but most women tend to remain in control of the home.  

The goal of the feminist movement was to give women choices, to eliminate the restrictions of what might be possible in a girl's life.  Women have made enormous strides in the workplace over the years, and we continue to advance.  At the same time, I think we should appreciate the choice that some women make to stay at home with their young children, and accept that their work is just as important as earning a salary.  Every woman I know works hard and gives her all to everything she does.

Our daughters need adult role models in real life, story books, and history to show them the many possibilities open to them.  Girls should know that they can make choices as they grow up, and control the course of their lives.  We can attend to our daughters' interests and natural inclinations and find ways to help them grow up to be who they want to be.  They can learn that there are many ways to be feminine, strong, successful, kind, and happy.  Like Snow White, the only obstacle is their own fear.

Tradition: The Story of Us

As I prepare for Rosh Hashana, I can't help but think about the myriad traditions in our lives and the important role that they play in shaping our identities.  I have so many fond childhood memories of holidays and yearly outings with my parents and siblings.  My own children still talk about vacations and holidays from their childhood. And now we are building new traditions for their children.  Many family traditions center on holidays:  visiting extended family and friends; preparing special foods; exchanging gifts; sending greeting cards; maybe visiting a house of worship.  Our memories of those special times and the unique ways our family marked them occupy a special place in our hearts. They spark rich conversations between the generations in a family, providing a connection between the past and the present.  

The traditions we practice as children give us a sense of self.  A child sees himself as part of a family who celebrates in its own way.  This is who we are.  This is what we do.  This feeling of belonging gives children security, as does the predictability of holiday celebrations.  Similar to daily routines, when our children know what to expect, they feel more in control, calmer, and safer. 

Traditions are not only about holidays.  Many families create traditions around birthdays or other occasions. Traditions can be any activity that we do together again and again at specific times; once a year, once a season, once a month.  When I was a little girl, my family used to go to an amusement park called PlayLand every summer.  My parents would wave to me and my brother and sister as we went on the rides.  We would laugh with the thrill of being spun around, and our parents would smile with joy at making their children happy.  When I became a mother, my parents continued the tradition and brought me and my family to PlayLand every summer.  It was so much fun to wave to my children as they went on the rides, and very special to watch my mother wave to them!!   Even when I became a grandmother, my parents continued the PlayLand tradition.  A special memory is the summer my dad had just gotten out of the hospital and insisted on taking us to PlayLand.  We got him a wheelchair to ease the burden of all the walking, but he used it to push the cooler!!  My dad passed away several years ago, but my mother still brings us all to PlayLand every summer, waving at her great grandchildren as they go on the familiar rides.

There is also a beautiful gift for adults who share traditions with young children, which is the ability to see those traditions in a new light.  As we experience life through the eyes of our children, many tired, old actions seem fresh and new.  A child's participation in a family holiday or tradition reinvigorates the adults around her to invest more attention to time-honored practices.  It's joyful to observe children as they introduce their own personalities, actions, and reactions to things so utterly familiar to us.

The traditions that we create for our children form the story of their lives.  Think back on the family traditions of your childhood, and the ways in which they are now part of who you are. How do you want your children to remember the holidays?  What are some things that you can you do to make those special times more meaningful?  Know that the family traditions you create now will live on in your children's memories and bind them to you forever.